why is it i never get excited for my birthday? I just don't. Ever since i was 6 or 7 years old I stopped being excited about my birthday. Which has a tendancy for my friends to forget about it. I don't mind really. I don't boast about it so I don't get offended if they dont' know when it is. I don't need the gifts or care for the attention, i'd much rather focus that attention to somebody else for their birthday, to make THEM happy. But this tends to lead itself to problems, once you get older and your parents stop planning your birthday parties for you. Case in point my birthday is on a friday this year, and I promised my folks i'd let them take me out to dinner. Then saturday I was hoping to get together with my other friends and go out, maybe to a bar or someplace else but overall just have a good time. The main point being to just be with my friends since there are 3 of us all with birthdays within a week of each other. Well that's most likely not going to happen now. Several of my friends are going camping for the weekend, and a few others already have prior commitments. now as must as i'd LOVE to go camping with my friends, I did promise my folks i'd have dinner with them. So now I have a conundrum, do I not hold a party saturday to go camping with my friends, or do I try and hold a party saturday and hope more than 1-2 people show up?


I can't be mad at my friends for making other plans, I shouldn't just assume that they're going to be free when I want them to. I'm not in high school anymore. Hell most of my friends, if they're not already, are getting married now. And while it shouldn't bother me, since I haven't celebrated my birthday in nearly a decade anyway, for some reason it's starting to upset me. Maybe it's just the compounding of some other events in my life that are getting me down. Time to work on that.

~Mookie

Today's the first day in a long time I can honestly say I went home from work with a smile on my face. Not because I met a girl (even though I did), not because I got a raise, or anything like that. Solely because I came to a realization while at work. I was babysitting some gear for a last minute client that called in. No biggie, got me out of the office and gave me time to think. All I had to do was wait for my signal and then press play on a tape deck and everybody was happy. The person who was giving me my signals was an attractive woman in her mid 20's (whose name isn't important to the story). While I was day dreaming (at a sales pitch for a pharmaceutical company selling ADHD medicine, oh the irony) I'd occasionally glance over at her to see if a tape was coming up. I just happened to be in a good mood (and I was sitting in front of a room full of execs.) so I had a smile on a face, when something strange happened. She started smiling back at me. It wasn't a flirty smile, just a genuine honest smile. As the evening grew on, the more she smiled at me, the bigger my smile grew.

This might not seem important, but it is to me for a few reasons. First is that, I feel that this is a lost trait in society today. During my travels when I greet people I try to toss them a smile if not a hello or some other greeting. Each day I'm surprised by how FEW people respond to this. This ranges from CEO's of companies, to a clerk at WAWA, and sadly even my friends sometimes. This indifference to people they meet is a trait I find mainly with people my age and younger sadly. The majority of the people who I get a friendly response from are older than me, or little kids. And it makes me sad to think that being nice to other people is not only a trait that's dying out with older generations but is a trait that many children loose as they grow older. So when I find somebody who smiles back at me for no other reason than to be nice, it really makes me feel good.

Another thing it made me realize while I was day dreaming was where my feelings for a certain person I know are coming from. Back-story: for the past couple months or so I've been developing feelings for a friend of mine. She doesn't know I have these feelings for her and I'm pretty certain she has no interest in me so it'll most likely stay that way (in the best interest of preserving our friendship). But for the past couple months I've been trying to figure out what it is about her that's made me so attracted to her all of a sudden. (It couldn't be because she's beautiful, brilliant, caring, funny, and has a wonderful personality. So I figured out something else) While the lady at the sales meeting and I were exchanging smiling glances at each other, I realized something. The reason I like my friend so much is because when I smile at her, she smiles back. Whether it's a friendly smile, a silly smile, or a smile I could construe to have ulterior motives, it's a smile none-the-less.

This isn't to say that every woman who smiles at me I'm going to become attracted to. (Hush Ruthie) Yet I'm realizing it's easily the biggest way I can tell if I'M going to like somebody, even before I know if they're remotely interested in me at all. I like to think I'm a good judge of people. That I can read into a person fairly well just from talking to or observing them for a little while. Show me a smile while we're talking, and it's like letting out the sunlight from your heart. If it's a truly genuine smile, it shows me how nice a person they are on the inside, in a capacity far greater than I could ever determine from talking to or observing them.

Every time I get a smile from somebody, it restores a little more faith in my hope for humanity, and some hope that I'll someday find somebody with a wonderful smile as well.
~Mookie

when i grow up, i'm going to develop a cure for growing old....
75/80 Drag-A-Way to Close

i seriously started to cry as i read that article. being from philly, it was never my home track, but it was always one of my favorites. it's the track i learned to drag race my stock teal green auto neon. where i first met some kid named Scott Mohler with a stock black ACR, and met COUNTLESS other friends. where i went to hang out with MANE (Mid-Atlantic Neon Enthusiasts) folks which turned into hangouts with ECN (East Coast Neons) folks. i won a bracket race at that track, one of my first. i learned i NEED to drive around the burnout box, i shouldn'peanut with my tire pressure when Sgt. Craig sets it for me, and not to do reverse gear burnouts into the wall. it's where i learned most of what i know about cars, chatting with Don Howard, Dink, Sgt Craig, Cliffy, Mike Reed, Scott Mohler... god... HUNDREDS of people all because of a love of going fast (and because we had nowhere to go while we sat in the staging lanes cus somebody oiled down the track ;p ) man... too many hot days and too many more chili dogs.

there have been rumors that Bill was going to sell the track, ever since he had colon cancer he's had increasing pressure from the local residents. the once hills of farmland around the track has turned into hills of homes. plus saftey rules are getting stricter, insurance is getting more expensive, and as Bill stated in the article the track is OLD. i'm really hoping the track comes out on top. i'd love to see such a piece of history survive.

~Mookie

i just made up a new term, it's called "Physchological Carpentry". it's when you meet somebody and all they want you to do is play Bob Vila and fix their problems. i seem attract women who appear fine on the outside but inside have some deep rooted structural damage. and as much as i want to help them, i don't have the energy to deal with this anymore. i just spent 2 hours talking on the phone with the woman i hung out with on saturday. we had a great day saturday, but all she wanted to do today was bitch about how her folks suck, and her ex sucks, and how the real estate market sucks, and how vacum cleaners suck, etc. i need to find myself somebody who *ISN'T* a fixer-upper. Either that or i need to find myself a Bob Ryley to do all the hard work for me. lol

however much as that may be, i still had a great time with Rebecca on saturday. i thought it was just going to be a lunch with her, and we ended up spending the evening together all the way till 1:30am. we had a great time, going to the bazar, then to linvilla to pick peaches. after that we went to the mall and wandered around for a while till dinner time. then after dinner we played pool and watched LOTR:RotK. now i didn't play on making any moves on her that day, so when we ended up getting touchy feely in the back of my car that night it was a complete surprise to me. not so much was i surprised when she told me today that she thought that saturday went too fast and wants to slow things down. which is okay with me. but if we're taking is slow, then i'm going to be much slower with putting a label on this relationship as well. it's only hasn't even been two full days yet and she's already pausing at the end of our phone conversations like she's waiting for me to say something else. another relationship i'm going to have to play by ear.

sunday was WONDERFUL! my nerd status is now another +1 because i officially love the RenFaire. it was just so much fun to be dressed up as a pirate (on pirate weekend no less). heck it was just a lot of fun being fully dressed up and getting strange looks from the people at the rest stop along the turnpike. the shows were very nice, the shops were cool to stop in, and next time i'm going to make sure i have money to bring, because not only was there some stuff i wanted to get but the pirate auction was VERY cool. the amount of booty they were giving away hand over fist was unbelieveable. i was the only person in our group yesterday who didn't spend at least a $100 on stuff. i can't wait till we go back in late september, it'll be much cooler outside even if getting to see lots of cute RenFaire chicks in skimpy corsets isn't quite a sight to see. now if only i could get rid of this runny nose.

so i've been talking to this nice girl who decided to take a chance and IM me based on my personals.yahoo.com profile. i like her, we've talked on the phone almost every night for a week now. we get along quite well, the only thing that worries me is that her ex-fiance hasn't even finished moving out of her house yet and she's already looking for somebody new, so i'm going to take it nice and slow and see how it goes. while we're just "dating" i also hope her views on the catholic church and sex can be turned. not that there's anything wrong with either. i am just not a church going person anymore, nor am i the type of person to be with somebody and not sleep with them. i feel sex is just as important to a relationship as any other aspect, so without that i'll never really be happy with her. not that i'm getting any sex now, nor would i have the moral dishonesty to cheat on any person i'm with.

so i get to pick up the black neon tomorrow from the bodyshop. the problem is that it's going to bankrupt me completely. my last paycheck was "normal". and i put that in quotes because my last several paychecks have been better than normal. so when i get a paycheck that's only $600, and i need it to pay my $500 deductible, other bills, AND live off of it for 2 weeks that puts a serious damper on shit. saturday i'm hanging out with Erin before she leaves for England, and sunday i'm going to the RenFaire with my friends. this is not a situation conducive to a person who only has a few dollars to his name. i'm hoping there enough change in my change cup to tide me over for the week.

in other news, i think i've decided to give up on the turbo'ing of the R/T. i learned that the "quick" times for the NHRA Sport Compact SS/GS class are only low 13's. the R/T was already close to running those times on stock electronics. i think that just with a MegaSquirt i can make a competetive car. however i already have the turbo, injectors, and intercooler for the R/T. so how much more i need to spend to get the car turbo'd also is a factor. part of me wants to just stay all motor and run in the SS/GS class, but the other half knows that i'll never have the time or money to really be competetive, and that a turbo street car would be more fun in the long term.

i need to find a job, like last week. i pray to god that megan comes through with this lead she said she has. if i didn't work a regular job with such odd hours, i'd already have a second job. i really should get my ass in gear and star working indie films to get shit on my resume. i really need to find where the line that divides hanging out with my friends and becoming an adult is. i just wish i could become an adult like my friends did. cus they HAVE the money to buy the things they want, and the time to hang out with me. while i've very low on both. i'm going to have a lot of time on my hands tomorrow. i WILL call the dr and schedule an appointment to be put on ADD meds. i can't take this much longer, i've been a procrastinator my whole fucking life and right now it's the biggest obstacle i have. i can't focus long enough to get ANYTHING done. i need to disapear. to take a weeks vacation once i'm on the meds and get my shit together hardcore.

Irony: n, when you keep forgetting to call your Dr. to schedule an appointent to be tested for ADD.

i mean i have plenty of time at work to do so, but then i just sit at my PC and... HEY LETS GO RIDE BIKES.

once again, reality made me it's bitch. i took friday off from work so i could have the time i needed to work on the blue car. i got the bellhousing back from the dealership with the new bearing race pressed in. i was able to empty out the garage to work on the trans which was nice too. it took me a couple hours to get the trans together. and when i did, it happened again. after i got the two halves together, i went to play with the shifter and it wouldn't budge. in frustration i started beating on it with a hammer and that had no effect. using the hammer didn't make it worse, i already knew what had happened before i pulled the trans apart. the rod had gone into the busing crooked, bending the bushing, and scraping all the bushing material down into the hole and forcing the shift rod to stick. this is the 3rd time i've done this. i don't know what i'm doing wrong, neither i nor anybody else i know has ever had this problem. so for me to just start having this problem now points a finger at the fact i must be doing something wrong. what i don't know, as i haven't changed anything in the way i assemble the trans. and the Factory Service Manual in it's 1000's of pages doesn't have one walkthough on how to reassemble the trans halves. it's so extremely frustrating to keep breaking transmissions like this. after i realized what i had done and that i couldn't fix it till i ordered more parts, i literally sat in the garage and cried. i've owned the Blue car for over a year and i've driven it only a handfull of times. i can't understand why whenever i work on the car i break something else. i feel like giving up on it sometimes, i bought it so that i could direct my urge to tinker on cars at something. but this car has all but killed my desire to work on cars anymore.

along that same vein, i need to call my DR and schedule an appointment to go in for ADD testing NOW. everyday that goes by is another testament to how i cannot concentrate on anything, my memory is more hole-y than the pope and god forbid one of these employers that i've contacted calls me back for an interview, i need to be on top of shit. right now finding a new job needs to be my top priority and i need to be able to focus on that. blah. off to work tomorrow to earn my miserable paycheck. it's a shame i feel that way, cus i really do have a nice job with nice people. but i'm fucking 25 years old, and i'm still not making anymore than i was when i was in high school.

i think i figured out something. when i'm exposed to ciggeratte smoke for more than 6 hours, it gives me indigestion. that's the only thing i can think of. i'm been going over my buddies house almost every other sunday for D&D for 6 months now. every sunday i'll come home with indigestion, sometimes to the point of puking. i've done everything i can, altered my diet, altered the times i eat, even went the whole day without eating. nothing makes a difference, and every time i still come home feeling sick. it sucks too, because nothing i do afterward helps. eating doesn't help it, getting fresh air doesn't help it, not even pepto-bismol helps.

at least my actual weekend was nice. i got to see Steve put down 546wHP in his car, with a busted turbo on top of it. i also got to hang out with a cute chick who i like but i can tell doesn't think of me as anymore than a friend. the ECN meet didn't go that well, but i got to cruise around in the caravan which was cool. and D&D was okay, the game sucked. we tried to do something new and nobody liked it. Connor hasn't had the time to devote to our campaign, so he was trying to get us to run a mini game where we'd play totally different characters for something new. however once we got into fighting, it was clear that a couple people didn't like their new characters, including tony who didn't like the idea from the beginning. it just sucks that we won't be able to get together to play D&D for a month now. however it does fall on labor day weekend, so maybe we'll get to do another double session which is always cool.

here's the main reason i need to schedule an appointment to be put on ADD meds. i was driving down to the WAC to pick my friend up. i forgot to get gas on the way home from work so i figured i'd stop at the same HESS station i always go to since it's easy to get to. as i'm driving down the road i drive RIGHT past the damn gas station. so i'm thinking where the hell is the next nearest gas staion, and i see the ghetto gas station on the left. i'll have to pull a double u-turn but i'll live with that. i make the left and i go to make the 2nd left into the lot and there's a guy blocking the driveway. no problem i'll wait... and by the time he decideds to push the gas down in his car, traffic is coming up behind him. not wanting to wait any longer i punch it to get in the gap. i didn't even see the curb coming. i'd overshot the driveway by about a foot and the the time i realised it the car had already smacked the curb. now keep in mind god doesn't want me to have a nice looking car, this car has been tagged so much in parking lots it's not funny. so the cosmetic damage isn't what bothers me. what i did damage was the front bumper is now scraped up and broken, and the plastic underside cover was torn off. the tire hit the curb so hard it scratched the rim and broke a cord in the sidewall bubbling the tire. but the lower frame rail tok the brunt of the force, as it was pushed back against the A/C compressor. this action itself isn't that bad, and i've been smacking that framerail on parking blocks and such so it was already dented. what sealed the deal for me was at that exact location is where the wiring harness crosses over the rail. and the force cut and shorted out some of the wiring in it. so now i have no parking lights or dash lights, keeping me from driving the car at night. after inspecting the damage and realising that i can't fix ANY of it myself i'm going to bring it to a bodyshop. my only problem is i don't know where i'm going to come up with the $500 deductable.

working for a company where you drive a lot gives me a lot of time to think. and i've been thinking about how anti-social i am. it struck me today that i have the ability to walk up to total strangers and talk to them, even if i can't get past the small talk stage of a conversation. this is odd because even a few years ago i couldn't do that. i used to be so antisocial that when i worked at Upenn's library, i thought one of the "book stockers" was cute. but whenever i had to walk down the hall, i'd always take the side isle that she wasn't in, so i didn't even have to make eye contact with her. nowadays i'd actually try and strike up a convo with her. which brings me to the topic of the comic book store girl. i have NO IDEA how to ask her out. i don't feel uncomfortable walking up to her and talking to her. it's the issue of once i DO ask her out, what do i do? right now i don't even know her name. and once i ask her out when do i want to set the date? the store is open till 9pm, so that's too late to ask her to dinner. hell it's almost to late to ask her to a drink after you figure she'll want to go home and shower and change. i can't ask her out to eat sunday, i'm working all day. so do i ask her out to eat on a monday night? do i just get her phone number first and talk to her for a little while before asking her out at all? hell i don't even know if she's single, i'm basing this all off an interpretation of some comments she made at me while i was buying colored dice for christsakes. this is what happens when i'm allowed to think for too long. *sigh* and who even knows if i'll GET to the comic book store tomorrow, i need to work on the transmission for the R/T. Chris B gave me a fully functional 3.55 trans. so now the plans is TURBO!! i scored a SRT4 turbo manifold, intercooler and SRT4 injectors off the net for $215 today. now all i need to get is the meagsquirt, a downpipe, BOV, and all the piping to hook it up and i should be set. (i'll worry about the incidentals down the road) this makes me very happy, as i've always wanted a turbo car and i'll be able to make much more power than i had originally planned for much less than a high-rpm motor would have cost me. i think next week i'm going to take some serious vacation time not only to finish the neon up (so it's at least running) but to put a dent in these DVD's i've got lingering over my head. of course i already know i'm working wednesday night, so perhaps i'll take a thurs-tues vacation. because hopefully, i won't be working at this place long enough to REALLY need any of the vacation time. and mt 1 year is coming up in a few months so i'll get all the vacation hours back anyway.

ah, so i took the day off today to drop and disassemble the trans on the R/T which i'm been neglecting. so i remove the trans with little problem and then take the case apart. as i remove the case what do i hear? but *plink plink plink* ...... and then i get the surprise of the month. the diff wasn't damaged at all, but the output shaft bearing had been DESTROYED and fallen into the gear set. for pics of what i'm talking about CLICK HERE. what i believe happened was that one of the assembly pins in the Phantom Grip LSD fell out and landed in the gear set. as the gears jammed it put the full force of a car rolling forward onto the output shaft bearing, causing it to just explode. fortunately i managed to find all the pieces of the bearings. unfortunately the gears are pretty buggered up and there's fine metal shavings throughout the entire trans and the output shaft bearing race is destroyed. i feel though, if i replace the bearing race, then put the trans back in the car. fill it up with a "detergent motor oil" and just run the trans on jack stands for a while, then drain the fluid and add the proper fluid the trans will be okay. the gears will simply reclearance themselves and the oil flush should take care of most of the metal shavings. now to just find a trans shop that'll fix the bellhousing and not charge me an arm and a leg. the R/T may also get a turbo in the near future. i've been doing some math and have found that it'll cost me the same to turbo the car as it will be make it a high RPM all motor car. and seeing as i can get almost all the parts i need from the forsale board on srtforums, i should be able to do it fairly soon.

i'm really starting to get annoyed at work. i really wish i had a job where i could go home at the end of the day feeling like i acomplished something. not like now where since we're bored, i get bounced around from bullshit project to bullshit project. and even though we're slow, i can't take any vacation this week since one of the other guys is on vacation. one thing i do have to be happy about is that i finally got paint that's sticking to the speakers. thursday i was outside repainting the speakers and the other guy got this "instant drying laquer" spraypaint, that dried so fast it was dry before it hit the speaker. lol so it took forever to coat the speaker and you couldn't get an even coat. at lunch i got a sanding block and 3 cans of rust-o-leum semi-gloss and went to town. with only one coat the speakers look LIGHTYEARS better than they did before.

so hopefully in 2 weeks i'll be going to hershey park with Jimmy, Tracy, Jen, and hopefully Tony and 'chelle. i have 4 tickets which covers the four of us, but i hope that Tony and 'chelle can come too, and i don't mind splitting the cost so that they can get tickets too. 'chelle has been hard at work trying to graduate AND pull the plans for their wedding together, which even with my limited info i know that Tony is not enjoying the process. so hopefully one weeked of fun will make them feel better, although i hope he doesn't go into withdrawl from not playing puzzle pritates for longer than 15mins. that's one of the problems with playing D&D with a group of ADD kiddies, if they're not activly doing something they get bored easily. which means a half hour into the game the laptops come out of the cases. quite annoying espically since tracey has a hard enough time focusing as it is. i'm also happy that Jen joined our group, she not only makes a great gnome, she's great to hang out with.

ROCK ON! there's a toy company in England called MOOKIE TOYS!! i think i need to hit up eBizzle to search around and see if i can buy some of their stuff. how cool would that be?!?

i spent $34 on DICE today. who'd have thought playing D&D would be so expensive. also the clerk at Showcase comics was INCREDIBLY cute and very friendly. i think i'll have to stop by more often to talk to her. as usual i'm a retard when it comes to girls. i didn't notice she was actually trying to hold a conversation with me until i had walked out of the store with my dice in hand. although on the other hand i'm glad that i get to think about what i want to say to her. being that she works in a comic book store she prolly gets hit on by every guy who walks in. so when i go back next time i'm gonna try the direct approach, strike up a convo then just flatout ask her to go out someplace. worst that could happen is i get shot down.

wow, for a friday night, Borders seems to be a popular hangout. i was killing two birds with one stone by getting outta the house as i've been working on Jim and Tracy's wedding DVD all day, and also going to read a good about Sony Vegas since i'm still a little new to it and wanted to learn some of the finer points that i didn't know which buttons to press in teh software yet. so i get there and pull a vegas book off the shelf (the only one they have) and grab an Adobe After Effects book as well since i need to read up on that as well so i can create some crazy ESPN X-Games style intro for their DVD. so i get my books and sit down to read. as i go to sit down i feel self concious as everybody else has coffee or something, so i go get one myself. Holy shit. i had ONE SMALL mocha-caremel-expresso-whatever and i've been wired since 8pm. like OMGICANTSITSTILLGOTTADOSOMETHINGHEYLOOKATTHEPUPPY wired. coffe doesn't normally effect me, but this expresso drink was good and prolly had more caffine in it than the entre case of coke behind me. one good thing about being there that night was i ran into a friend of mine from HS, Scott Bosh. we talked for a while but he had his girlfriend with him and i got the impression he didn't want to hang out long, and justifibly so. but one bad thing is that it's a constant reminder how lacking in the social department i am. there were DOZENS of women there that i could have talked to but i just quietly admired them and walked away. i'm starting to realise that i'm never going to develop any social skills unless i actually step up to the plate and am FORCED to talk to these random people. now i just need somebody to go out with me and force me, cus lord knows i haven't been able to do it for the past 25 years, i certianly won't just start now. althought i think right now it's best that i don't have a G/F. it's not the fact that i still live at home, it's the fact i'm piss-poor-broke every day and unless i found somebody who was content with just doing simple cheap things every day i don't see it working out with anybody. one thing that i find strange is that more and more i'm finding myself attracted to "goth" chicks. i don't know if this is a normal side effect from playing D&D, or if my subconcious is trying to tell me something. things like tattoos and piercings that i used to find disgusting i'm much more tolerant of now, and can even see the beauty in. i'd like to think that i'm becoming more worldly and breaking out of my introverted and purile shell. but when i look at myself i don't really fit into the "goth" demographic. (aka: i like redheads in black corsets, but i'm not the kind of person they'd like. lol) along that note, i'm going to talk to Conor and my other friends about going to the Renfair this year. they always go and somehow i seem to be left behind. perhaps getting dressed up like somebody who died 1000years ago and hung out with other people doing the same i'll feel better.

so my vacation dreams this summer went up in smoke. i went in for an eye exam yesterday. i had never been there before so i did the usual of filling out all the paperwork and all. then the receptionist girl takes me into the back and does a quick test of my eyes, later the actual doctor comes in and does the entire "read the last line" test while he changed discs. He surprised me as he recognized my HalfaHEMI email addy as being for the neon. we then proceded to sit and talk about cars for the entire session which lasted about a half hour after all the drops and tests were done. once i went to pickout my frames is when reality hit me. i thought that the $120/ea i was going to spend for my glasses included the lens'. nope, those were an extra so the total was roughly $180 for the regular and $290 for the sunglasses. so my two pairs of sunglasses were going to total over $400 even with my AAA discount AND an $80 gift card. and i also got the embrarressment of have to leave the LensCrafters after my debit card was rejected 3 times. because it seems that while it takes 3 business days for an electronic check to go through, it only takes 24 hours for a check i put into the mail to hit my account, and i didn't have NEARLY enough money to pay for all this. so now as i sit here and wait for the money to be deposited into my account i realise that any hope i had of taking a "real" vacation this summer went up in smoke. i'd been trying to save up money to take a nice trip, and while i had a bit of trouble last month, i've taken a decent amount off my CC's lately. i also had every intention of sleeping in my car as much as possible. this was going to be a sightseeing tour. i just wanted to get in my car and drive until i found myself at home again type of vacation. i was hoping to drive out to the west coast for a while. there's tons of places out there i'd like to see. but as much as i'd like some alone time i need a co-pilot for that kinda driving. i've done 17hours in one shot by myself, but i've done cross-country before and i don't want to kill myself just to save some time. and as much as i try i cannot find anybody who i really want to spend 12days in a car with. (more correctly, i can't find anybody who wants to spend 12+ days in a car with me, lol) so then i thought about going to the florida keys, making stops in florida along the way. maybe after my next couple paychecks i'll have enough or if i could find somebody to come with me to help offset the cost. man i need more friends. lol so i have 80 hours of vacation time saved up so if anybody has any ideas i'm open to suggestions. it also figures that we're slow as hell at work, and come august when i'll be ready for vacation that we'll most likely be busy again.

so i started reading online comics while at work to pass time. and one that i ran accross is a very nice comic called Queen of Wands. it was greatly to my dissapointment when i learned that the story is already ended. i sat and read a whole years worth of comics in one day at work and was totally sucked into the story. it's a drama, but it has it's funny parts and the characters are all very likeable to the point where you can go "hey i am or i know somebody like that." it's semi-autobiographical by the author, with great artwork. the point that grabs me though, is how much like these fictional people i sometimes feel like my life is. while many of the topics ranging from sucicide to leather chaps i don't have much experience with, i can totally see myself right there hanging with this people as some of my closest friends. while reading the strip, aside from associating with the main character, i find myself thinking about how i never really release my inner gofy child, the person who i was in High school. 4 years of college feeling like an outsider, not making that many friends then being thrown into the adult working world have really caused me to close up. even with the people i used to be very goofy with in high school, i don't open up as much. although i admit it was nice to be in the same room as nick and jimmy again, that DID make me feel better even if i haven't gotten to spend much time with him at all these 2 weeks he's here from ireland. and now don't take this next part wrong, i have great friends and i LOVE every minuite that i spend with them. but i don't get to spend that much time with them, not on the scale that i did in HS. i feel like i'm missing something, and it's that you get when you make good friends and you spend all your time with them. i never had roomates before, i lived at home in college and still do now. most of the friends that i hang out with now are either married or live far away. i do have one friend who lives close by but her and my schedules usually always conflict, i wish i could hang out with her more, as i wish i could spend more time with all my friends. i just wish i could find somebody to fill the hole in my life, i have one friend who came over and we just watched "the incredibles" together with. we got pizza and just sat together on the couch watching the DVD and it was WONDEFUL. we didn't do anything except hold each other and i don't even think she knows how nice it was for me to be able to feel that close to somebody else.

so i'm going to the Upper Darby Summer Stage 30th Aniversary Alumni show on saturday. heading up there with Jimmy, Jim Rihle, and hopefully Nick Scott. i'm interested to see who shows up that i'll know. i did have a good number of friends when i was at S.S. although i'm sure many have changed. perhaps for the better. one person who isn't happy to see me in Harry D. himself. Jimmy ran into him last week and told him who was gonna be coming. harry responded disparingly with "sure, i'll make sure to invite the ghost too". the back story is way back in my freshman year of college, when i was trolling newsgroups i was a subscriber to a "hauntings" listgroup. one day i decided to tell my story, or the tales that we experienced while at the High School and Middle School all those years i was working in the theater. well many years later while doing a search for myself on google i ran accross a website that was dedicated to haunted theaters, and my story was in there with a credit as well. i laughed and thought nothing of it. well it turns out that those people with the website contacted harry recently asking to come and invistigate the haunting for a book they're writing. well Harry didn't like that so much he told them no, AND to take the stories i wrote off of their website. (i checked today, my stories are gone but i was able to find and save a copy in google-cache) i personally would LOVE to have the oppertunity to explore the theater with much more modern equipment that i have now as opposed to the tape recorder with just had back then. cus if the tape recordings we were able to gather could scare me shitless i can't imaging what video would be able to capture.

i also just learned that i need to add "P" tags to make my entries look much nicer and easier to read.

sometimes i just feel like i should just turn in my wrenches. i've been having problems with my Blue neon. ever since i purchased the car it has had clutch/transmission problems. i knew this going into it so it's not a big deal. the problem is that i've had NO luck in fixing the problem. bad flywheels, exploding throwout bearings, and self loosening bolts have all kept this car off the road. i thought i finally fixed the problem the last time the car was apart. while the transmission was apart i replaced the diff since it was making noise. after reasembly i took the car for a test drive. i got a couple miles away and it was starting to make noise so i started home again. 1 mile from my house as i'm coasting up to a light, the trans locks up on me. engine runs, clutch works, but the car feels as if the ebrake it stuck. call AAA and they tell me 90mins, wonderful. by rocking the car back and forth i manage to free the stuff diff and roll the car out of the intersection to the corner. from there i wait another 2 hours for the tow truck to arrive.
but wait, there's more. so yesterday we're slow at work so i take a half day. i start to work on the car and seeing as there's no way to roll it i work on it in the street. i jack the car into the air and start trouble shooting. what i learn is that i can rotate the wheels 180* then they stop. but if i rock the wheels a little bit, i can get them to rotate another 180* and then stop again. and i can continue this process till i get bored. so i yank the axle's and use my newly learned technique of dissconnecting the swaybar first which works WONDERFULLY. what used to take me 45mins now takes me 15mins. i drained the trans fluid into a clean container, and it came out all pretty and red so i hope that the trans itself wasn't damaged. i can live with the diff being broken, those are much easier to replace.

stranger things have happened, but not that often. yesterday was my friends wedding. now this is Jimmy, whom i've known since 1994 which as far as friends go is just about the oldest friend i have. so it was quite strange to watch him get married. my day started by driving to the dealership that has my car (for the past 2 weeks now). the rental car they were paying for was ending so they were giving me one of their loaners until they're done with mine. i get there at 9am just as the doors are opening. my dad an i got inside and i start filling out the paperwork when the guy asks me for my drivers liscence and proof of insurance. i give him my drivers liscence but tell him my insurance card is in the black neon on the lift there. he UNLOCKS the service door and tells me to go out and get it. i get all the way to the car before he comes out and tells me not to worry about it. i mean seriously, they've had my car for 2 weeks now. if they haven't figured out that i don't have insurance that's their fault. so i get my loaner and it's a '05 Grand Caravan. this being the 3 minivan i've driven in the past 2 weeks, it only confirms my belief's that i want a caravan more than ever. and if i wouldn't take a 2grand loss on trading in my Black neon i would head to the dealership and get one. so we unload all the audio gear from the Kia i had and transfer it to the Caravan. i drop the Kia off at Enterprise and i head to home depot and by extention A/C cable. i stop at wawa to grab lunch and then eat it when i get to Ridley Creek State Park. when i arrive Tracy's father Tony is there. he's attaching flowers to the heart shaped arch that's the background for the ceremony site. after i finished setting up the audio gear he left to go back to the house. from there i sat and waited from 10:30am till around 1pm when guests started to arrive. Jimmy and the groomsmen arrived around 1:15pm. Tracy and the bridesmaids didn't arrive until almost 2pm. (the wedding was supposed to start at 3pm). this is also when i found out that they thought *I* was going to run the audio gear. "un yeah, i've got two video camers to run AND i'm going to be over here pressing play on the CD player and switching CDs... yeah not happening". so one of the girls who was simply handing out panthlets was going to run the CD player. i tried to instruct her as bast i could what needed to be done, but there were some errors but nothing terribly noticable if you were sitting in the audience. once the ceremony was over my buddy James from work came and started loading the audio gear into my van while i took video of the photo session in the garden. this is also when i noticed that their photographer was using a Digital Rebel with the stock lens to take photos. (dot dot dot) so as i'm running around i realise something, i don't know WHERE the reception is. so i ask Laura (tracy's mom) and get directions from her. just as i'm walking back to give the directions to Connor i see the limo bus in action. my brain freeze's and thinks their leaving so i do one last sprint to my van and take off. because i forgot to give Connor the directions to the reception hall, he was just following the limo bus. well nobody told the limo driver that he was having people follow him, so Connor got lost and ended up just going home. i on the other hand, had time to stop at best buy and get more tape and still beat the limo bus to Folcroft firehouse. the reception was nice and went off without any problems. the only screwup there was that when i went to film Jim and Tracy while they cut the cake i bumped the "REC" button on my camera. now i havne't turned my camera off the entire night except to change batteries or tapes. so i never even checked to see if it was recording and didn't notice it wasn't until after they had finished. hopefully the photographer will let me use some of his photos in my DVD or else i'm screwed. after the reception some of us went back to Tracy's parents place and relaxed and unwound. Overall i had a great time, and i wish Jim and Tracy the best. but i realised something yesterday, when i'm at a party like this i'm not really happy unless i've got some piece of video or photography equipment in my hand. the whole night the only time the camera came outta my hand was when i was eating or in the bathroom. the times i put down my video camera i was at least walking around with my digicam. the whole night i danced with one person, and only when they asked to dance with me. yet, i don't feel like i missed anything, i still had a great time. but that's always been my way of doing things. i've always viewed my life through the viewfinder. and it does bother part of me, i do have a "removed" feeling whenever i look back at big events. i love to hang out with my friends, moreso than they realise.

i need to get aclamated to this weather. sitting in the shade outside and watching my balls drip down my leg and form a puddle by my feet sucks. plus it'll make it easier for me to work on the race car. i put the transmission back in tonight. after torquing down all the clutch bolts with a impact gun after loktite was applied to make sure that they're not going to back themselves out again. after my failures my dad and i managed to lift the trans up to height with a floor jack and then i lifted it into position while he put the bolts in. oh well, the rest of the work is the easy stuff of just bolting things back into place. it's too bad i won't get the car finished before my buddies wedding, but i don't think i'd fit all the equipment in the car anyway.

so since i have a place to vent, i have something i want to get off my chest. one of the reasons i created this accound was to search the site looking for a woman. now i'm not a stalker or anyting, but everyonce in a while i get in these moods to try and track her down and last night i was in one of those moods. it's like a game with me seeing how close i can get. reason why is this: Chrissy was the first girl i had a crush on. we met in middle school and were friends in the A/V club there. but while i went to UD, she went to a private HS. during my years at UD, i saw her maybe 3 times, once at a friends birthday party and another time at a show at the theater. i specifically remember that time cus we went outside into the sidewalk area during the show to throw snowballs at each other. but all this time being too shy i never stayed in touch with her. college came and went and i never saw her again. then one cold sunday in january of 2004, i was in best buy with a friend getting her to buy a MontyPython dvd. while she was in the checkout a woman came up to me and said "i think i went to middle school with you". it was Chrissy, but i didn't remember her. and while i talked to her for a good while i couldn't remember anything about her until almost 2 months later. when i was driving down the road and the dormant circuits in my brain just sparked to life. because i couldn't remember her i was too shy to get her contact info, and have kicked myself every day since. when i saw her in best buy she was still very nice and very pretty, and pretty women do strange things to my head. ;)
but over the years i wonder if my brain has twisted "her" into something she's not. an ideal of who my "perfect" woman is, without knowing if she actually fulfills any of those traits. so while some nights i think how much i want to find her, others i think what would happen if i actually met her and she's not the person in my mind? it's a cycle that most likely will never end. and while i won't let it blind me to the wonderful women i meet everyday, part of me is always going to be "chasing chrissy".

~Mookie

well, prolly not. but i promised myself that i'd write more, and what better way to do so than to join the ultra trendy blogger scene with my own garbage! expect more crap from me soon.